November is CRPS/RSD AWARENESS Month for People in Chronic Pain

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Hey – All you people in chronic pain, I think we should plan something special. Really special. November is CRPS/RSD Awareness Month and I think that maybe we should do something like a mass tweet, or a mass Facebook outreach program, or even both. At midnight on the first of November, and every night after that, I am going to flood the airwaves with information about this insidious disease that cause people like me and you, and people who I have come to know and love horrific pain. I believe that we can make a difference by doing this, if we go about doing it the right way, and we get enough people on board. What do you say? Are you in? It won’t take up too much of your time and it will make a big difference if we get out the warning to the right people: knowledge workers, full time computer users, data entry people, bloggers, software engineers,copywriters, marketeers, collateral writers, website text writers, graphic designers, small business owners, internet company owners, affiliate marketeers, copywriters, fiction and nonfiction writers and everyone and anyone that uses a computer full time at home and at work is at risk for this disease – CRPS/RDS. I want to warn everybody personally and because it will be CRPS/RSD awareness month, let’s make them aware of the pain that they are risking if they continue to use the computer in the way that they are using it – simply the wrong way. No one else will. It is up to us. So, please follow my blog – which will give me your email, or leave it in the comments section. I don’t have to approve your comment, therefore your email won’t become public – I promise. I will just use it for our conspiracy. We will then coördinate our plans. Any ideas that you have would be greatly appreciated. I really want this to work astoundingly well.

Think of it as a conspiracy to stop the government and the workers compensation system from keeping CRPS/RSD a secret. Our first step in taking this to the streets. Let’s blow our own horn. Let the people know they are at risk. If they already have symptoms – like a lady I talked to the other day, who had symptoms for ten years and all 23 of her doctors had put her off, explaining that didn’t know what she had. Well B.S. to that. I told her exactly what she had. Her symptoms were an EXACT match to my own. Isn’t that crazy. I’ve had mine for eighteen + years, but I’ve known what I had, due to a great Pain Management Doc out in Mill Valley, Ca. He takes no more patients. So sad. He was the best Doc I ever had.

Anyway, We have to get the word out to people with symptoms and without symptoms. Do you have tingling in your arms and fingers? Maybe just your fingers? Any shooting pains in your arms? Does it happen on one side or both? Can you sleep at night? Does it get worse when you type? Does it get worse when you use your computer in general? Like the mouse? Does your skin feel sensitive – like to clothing and maybe wind or anything else? Do you ever feel like your skin is burning? Are these symptoms intermittent or are they present all the time? Do you have any change in appetite? Is you attitude better or worse? Are you worried that this change in the ability to use your computer will affect your job performance? Possibly lead to demotion or worse? Does cold and hot feel the opposite of what they should? Does really cold feel like burning coals?  Are your palms red?

Do any of these apply to you? If they do, you are going down the road to CRPS/RDS, but it doesn’t have to happen. You might catch it early enough that it might just be carpal, radial, or some other type of tunnel syndrome. If that is the case, you are a lucky dog. Mine went way past that. My problem was not with my wrist, but with my shoulder. All people with these symptoms need to join in our conspiracy, to get the word out, because you too know how it feels to have pain consistently. Please Join Us on November 1st to Get the Word Out About Chronic Pain and CRPS/RDS.

rsd-crsp.org

Hello world!

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Welcome to The CRSPS/RSD Blog!

Hello World! My name is Melinda and I have CRPS II. I’ve had it for over 18 years now, and I’m sick and tired of explaining to even medical personnel what CRSP/RSD is. In medical school, on average, they get a day and a half of pain management. No wonder they’ve never heard about it. But that does not bode well for the millions or billions of cases coming down the pipe. I’m talking about knowledge workers – people who use a computer for a living, engineers, analysts, writers, bloggers, data entry, financial and so many more. I was VP Marketing (See I am here to tell you all the things that I’ve found from my research both from ancient People and the latest medical research. Hopefully you’ll teach me too! Let’s share everything that’s worked between us. And this is just the start of my campaign. I want CRSP/RSD to be known worldwide and for people to donate for a cure. Cases are being swept under the rug as we speak. It’s time now to take a stand. It’s time to stand up and be counted. Millions of Americans quietly have this, the time for quiet is no longer. We must scream “I HAVE RSD AND I WON’T BE IGNORED!” It’s time! It’s definitely time…

Pain #11 in a Series Stellate Ganglion Nerve Blocks Worked for Me!

I’ve got to say that I am surprised! I have now had 5 separate nerve blocks done for my CRPS/RSD. I thought the number three was supposed to be the lucky number. I guess for me that lucky number is five. On my fifth try – I got success at last.  My stellate ganglion nerve block on my left arm, took my pain from a level 7 down to a level 2. That was on Sept 10th, 2012. Now it is October 1, 2012.  I am scheduled for my right arm to have the sixth nerve block today.

Right now, my left arm’s level of pain is still a level 2 for my CRPS/RSD.  I could jump for joy!

Finally something actually eases my pain.

Finally something actually works, besides the painkillers and muscle relaxants, antispasmodics, neurontin, diuretics, topamax, the migraine meds, and all the rest.

I am so happy that I had to share it with all of you.

I had three nerve blocks before on my right arm and none of them worked.

  • The First was a sympathetic nerve block that made me feel like I had been to the dentist for about 4 hours, then the effect wore off.
  • The Second was the same type, except the Doctor screwed up – it turned out, he did it, under unsterilized conditions and put me at risk. The gentleman, who got the nerve block after me,  ended up getting paralyzed. He sued the Doctor – and got his license to practice yanked.  That could have me. I thank God every day it wasn’t.  That block didn’t work either. Are you surprised?
  • The Third and Fourth  lucky blocks were done by a pill mill Doctor, who also ran people right through his block mill as well. He charged about $1K per block, and had it down to a science.  He had people in and out of there so quickly it would make your head swim. It turned out I had a fever that day, so they should not have done the blocks, but they did them anyway, which I now find out,it  is against policy for most doctors – to do two blocks in the same day. These were stellate ganglion blocks this time.  They did not workthe only thing that they did was add soreness at the site of both blocks for a week after the block happened.

Now my Stellate GanglionNerve Blocks are Working! They ease my CRPS/RSD pain. They make me feel better. The future is looking bright. I’ll be able to take less medication soon. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.  I am also looking into topical Fentanyl patches as the Lidoderm patches don’t do so much for me, but Fentanyl absolutely does, so that’s one more bonus for me. I’ll be checking with my doctor about those this week. Just one more bonus.  I get to feel that much better. I haven’t felt this good since 1993. Can you believe it?

I Hope That You Are All Pain Free and Feel Better. I Send You Love, Peace and Happiness. All My Best, Melinda www.rsd-crps.org

A Moron, I am Not! Pain # 10 in a Series

A Moron, I am Not!
I am Different from you.
Some say I am broken,
Others Disabled,
But, this does not mean,
That my brain is broken as well.
Please don’t treat me as such,
a small child,
or an animal,
with your slow words,
or your careful voice.
I am not retarded,
moronic,
crazy,
stupid,
idiotic,
foolish,
brain damaged,
or anything else that makes my brain function worse than yours.

I may be different than you,
But, if I were a betting woman,
I would bet that my brain,
is more evolved than yours.
Why?
Because, I have had to put up, not only with chronic pain,
which gives me will power much stronger than yours,
but also brain control from meditation everyday,
which is why, I bet I am more evolved than you.
But, people treating me like my brain is broken,
On top of having chronic pain 24/7,
That is enough to drive most people insane,
Make you scream into pillows,
Make you throw objects at walls,
Make you throw small whiny dogs at mailmen, (just kidding!)
Force you evolve into a better person,
Who overcomes the hatred involved in,
Dealing with the bigotry,
Of people who hate people who are disabled.
What do you call that?
Disabled-ism?
Intelligence-ism?
Broken-ism?
Broken Brain-ism?

Whatever the case,
These People – the Bigots, Piss Me Off!
I am One of the Broken People.
But, A Moron, I am Not!
Only, God can Forgive these Bigoted People,
For, I find it hard to forgive them, myself,

They constantly portray those different,
From themselves as brainless, blithering idiots.
It’s not just broken people,
It’s people of color,
It’s people of the opposite sex,
It’s people of the same sex,
It’s people of a different religion,
It’s just people who are different than they are,
In some fundamental way.
They portray us with no grey matter,
With no decision making skills,
No logical reasoning,
And no way to take care of ourselves in the big, bad world.

I find this so offensive,
It drives me, as I said to throw things,
Scream, Yell, and have Tantrums.
At the very same time,
I believe that if the punishment,
Fits the crime,
Then these people would,
Have their eyeballs,
Pop out of their heads,
Just like in the cartoons,
Of the Big, Bad Wolf,
I saw as a kid.

They would also Reverse their Insides with their Outsides – (Yuck!)
A kind of Full Body Reversal thing. (FBR)
For you Engineers, think “meta-syntatically”, and you’ll get the joke.
Because you would be FBR’ed too.
It would create

Original Painting of a Women in Pain by Melinda Le Baron

This painting is an abstract portrait of a women in pain, painted by Melinda Le Baron in 2003. The women is named Mistress Penny, as she is a submissive. Clearly she is crying out in her pain, seeking surrender. Looking for release.

such a mess,
But, I believe that people create a mess proportional,
To the bad that they do,
Out in the World,
When they Die.
If you were FBR’ed,
Your mess would be huge,
Therefore, your bad would be huge as well.
Bigotry, in my mind,
Is one of the most horrible things,
That you can do to a person.

I have gotten bigotry,
From being broken, in a healthy world
From being a woman in a man’s industry,
From being older in a younger world.
In all these cases, they treat me,
As if I didn’t have a brain,
In my head,
Until I proven otherwise.
It is very tiring.
I am tired of proving myself.
I have to get over this.

There is Nothing Left to Prove, but to Myself.
This is Part of LOVING ME,
A STEP I HAVE TO TAKE.
NO MORE SCREAMING, THROWING, TANTRUMS,
It’s DONE!
It’s OVER WITH!
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG.
I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO,
SO, SCREW THEM!
I AM TOTALLY CAPABLE,
I AM COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT,
NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME,
UNLESS I LET THEM,
MY BRAIN WORKS FABULOUSLY,
I AM ALMOST A GENIUS, IF NOT ONE,
I CAN EVOLVE TO BE SO MUCH MORE,
BY LEARNING ALL THE TIME,

This text above will be my mantra,
Everyday, until I die, along with the text below:

I promise, the Creator of the Universe,
That I Love Myself,
I Love All the People in the World,
And, I Love the World, itself,
And I Love Him, the Creator, Fred.
I give My Life to Him, to Do with As He Wills,
I Can Contribute So Much, if That is, as He Wills it.
I Know I Can,
I Have Many Skills That Can Help People.
I Forgive All the Bigots,
Because They Are Ignorant,
I Forgive Everyone,
Because They Don’t Know You, Fred,
Or, What They Need to Know,
It is My Time to Act.
I Will Do What I Need To Do.
Please Tell Me, Fred.
Amen.

Pain #9 in a Series – Migraines New Research

I was just going through my research about chronic pain and found this new link to some new research that they are doing in Australia about the pain of migraines. I will give you the original link and you can follow the chain of links from there. It seems that migraines are not only genetic, but there are two different types:

You learn something new everyday. The article primarily talks about migraines in women; their social stigma and how they are trying to combat it. It is really quite interesting. I thought that you would like it. I know that I get migraines as well as cluster headaches with my CRPS/RDS when I get breakthrough chronic pain. They send me right to bed. I have to close my eyes, everything is too loud, and I want to barf, so I have to take anti-nausea medicine so that I don’t. It makes a mess all over the bed. I hate the smell and never want to clean it up.

Nobody else will, either.

I hope it helps informs those of you with migraines and gives you a bit more information about your chronic pain. Cheers, Melinda

 

www.rsd-crps.org

 

An Update – Pain 8 in a Series – My Nerve Block Got Approved and a Nasty Spider Bit Me + the USP!

Well it’s finally here – for my Chronic Pain, I’m finally getting my  Stellate Ganglion Nerve Block on Monday.  (Remember Pain#4) Wow! Now let me see, how long did that take? Oh Yes! That was just about four and a half months! Now there was a slight problem in the middle of all of this. I got bitten by a Brown Recluse SpiderOh Boy!  That put a damper on things.  I got bitten twice on my right leg, which put two holes in my leg that were about 2/3 of an inch deep.  The toxin was eating away my flesh. They called it – turning necrotic.  I had to go to a Wound Care Specialist who threatened to put me in a hyperbaric chamber if the Wound Care didn’t work. Thank God, that did not happen.  When I went in to get the block and they saw the holes in my leg, they gasped. They then looked at me and said, “No shot today. You could die on the table. The shot depresses your immune system, and with your spider bite and those holes in your leg, you would be dead in a second.  Until your wound is fully healed in about six weeks, we can’t do the block, so call us after the wound is healed and we will reschedule the block then.”
I sat back, totally blown away. Die on the table? What kind of crap was that? My Wound Care Specialist had cleared me to get the block, so he had basically cleared me to die. Thanks a lot Buddy.  Can we get Wound Care people to know something about Pain Management? That would be a nice thing. It could prevent unnecessary deaths. What do they do with people who have wounds that really hurt? Kill them? I am truly baffled. In any event, that added six weeks, at least, to the already ridiculous time period that I had spent waiting for the block in the first place. In fact, the original approval had run out. The block had to get approved all over again. The girl at the doctor’s office did a good job this time (really!), and did it in a timely manner (what a surprise!).  Now, I am all approved, healed, and ready to go. Now all I have to do is wait for Monday.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that nothing else goes wrong. Expect, that I just found out, that the transmission went out on one of our trucks, so that is whammy number 3.  Bad things come in threes, so I hope I am protected by the Universal Smartass Principle – which states, that every time that you say that you’ve got it made or have the world on a string – and say it out loud – you will be struck by the USP (Universal Smartass Principle). Bad things will ensue.  Your car will break just when you need it most, to get to that very important business meeting and there will be no available transportation, OR you will think that you have enough money in your checking account to make a purchase, and someone will steal your identity and wipe out your checking account funds – leaving you high and dry, until your next paycheck. These things come in threes. After the third one, you are probably safe, unless your hubris was immense, then there may be a fourth. It all depends on what you said and how you said it. I know this sounds like superstition, but I have tested out this principle for the last 40 years and it works every damn time. Believe me. I don’t know what I said, but I’m hoping my hubris wasn’t immense, because I don’t believe a fourth whammy would be a good thing  right now.  I’m trying to sell my ranchette and buy a ranch that is bigger and has more land, more houses and is the place where me and my husband want to stay until we kick up our heels, for our final resting place. We want to turn it into a Family Compound. Giving an acre to each kid, so they can build a house and share in the acreage. I am keeping my fingers crossed every day that this plan works, as it would be Heaven to own the ranch with the bunkhouse, the huge pasture with two ponds, another house and huge fields and a forest.
But first, I need to find a way to get to the doctors on Monday at 10:50 AM, to get my Stellate Ganglion Nerve Block. Wish me Luck!

Cheers, Melinda

www.mlbiblio.com

Quote of the Day – Sunday

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         “If, then, I were asked for the most important advice I could give, that which I considered to be the most useful     to the men of our century, I should simply say: in the name … Continue reading

Pain #7 in a Series Return to Loving Yourself

After the conversation with my higher power named Fred, I was turned on to a book by Marianne Williamson named Return to Love. I can’t believe that this book was written 20 years ago, because it was like Marianne was talking directly to me. She could have been having a face to face conversation with me about my situation with my pain, my higher power and how I feel about everything that I am going through. The fact that I have surrendered to my pain is good. That it is like a part of my body is good as well. She says that our bodies are only illusions that God uses to help us communicate His will to each other and do His work. No matter what God we are talking about – I guess that means Fred too. When we realize the most important part of us is the Spirit part, then we can start to heal. Of course, the other part of that is that the purpose of the Spirit is the Love of God. It is the only thing that exists in all of us. It connects us, it flows through us, it connects us to God. No religion has a monopoly on God.  When we realize that we are Spirit, our bodies can heal. We can ask the Holy Spirit to bring Love into our lives and turn our bodies back into the Holy vessels that they used to be for our Spirits. Please read the book. There is so much in there that I am not explaining well. If your heart is full of love, then like a computer, God can download His plan for you. When God does this, His love flows through you. You blossom. Your potential is universal. You become what God wants. He wants you to heal the world and make Heaven on Earth. The time for me, at least, to start this, is now. I have begun praying, for the first time in my life, besides when I’m in agony. I pray that God will help heal my Mother of all of her wounds, I pray that God will protect my children, I pray that God will protect and heal my husband. I pray that love will enter my heart and that any issues that I have I give up to the Holy Spirit so that he can do with them what he thinks best. I want to help people, I want to love them, please find a way for me to do so. I also want to warn them about this insidious disease I have, called CRPS/RSD. I believe that many are at risk, please protect them from being hurt, and find a way, that millions will not get this horrible thing and suffer like I have. I pray that all my family stays safe and sane as well as opens their hearts to love as well. Please show me how I can heal my Spirit and in so doing, heal the vessel that is so broken and so hurting at the moment. Thank you Holy Spirit , and Thank you God, Amen.

Pain #6 in a series – Love Yourself – A Conversation with a Higher Power

When I was on the verge of suicide because of the medication  - it was pills that I was going to use. No one understood what I was going through.They thought they did, but of course, they had no idea. I was hollow on the inside. There was nothing there. The world was grey. There was no hope. I went from hero to zero in nothing flat and added to that was  so much physical pain on top of it, that I couldn’t even open my eyes on a regular basis, much less move. Try to think when you are lying in bed – a zombie on medication, nothing to do, no one wants to see you. Your whole world has ended. No goals. No friends anymore. No nothing. And the pain – Ah, the pain. It’s so bad, that you can’t even think a full sentence in your head, except to plead with God to kill you this instant, to make it stop. To make any deal with God that you can, because you will do anything to make it stop. Sell your soul? You bet! Why live? The only reason I found to live was because it would hurt the people I love, who loved me back. Too much trauma to them. Not to me, of course. To me it would be over. A deserving rest. To them, it would be horrifying – something that would scar them for years. I couldn’t do that to them. So I didn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. My husband, my kids, my parents, my siblings, I just couldn’t do that to them. I had to find meaning – some way – some how. I had to find a way to deal with the pain as a part of me. I had to start loving myself again as a person. I had to rebuild ME – starting from scratch. Going over my life starting at my childhood, I opened my heart, and looked at everything I did with new eyes. Eyes that did not  want to cause anyone I knew any pain. This was a new perspective for me. I forgave myself for a lot of things that were not my fault that I had been carrying around as baggage for years. I took the blame for things that I caused that I had been avoiding for years as well. For those two things, I tried to make life a little better, as good as I could, considering it was decades later, and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t, but at least I tried. I decided to talk to a higher power. Some people talk to God. They pray. I have philosophical conversations. My higher power’s name is Fred. Fred is a humanizing name. Fred brings things closer down to Earth. Fred is a name that you can talk to. Fred can be your friend. Fred is Universal. So far, Fred and I, we have had many a conversations. Below, is an example of the first conversation that Fred and I had.

Hey Fred!

Hey Melinda!

Fred, I’m in so much pain, I want to die this instant. Please make it happen.

Melinda – you know, I can’t do that. I won’t do that. Now, hold on. Nobody is killing anybody here today. So, forget about me killing you. OK.

But Fred (whinging!)

Melinda – I said not today.

Fred, you’re a spoil sport. you’re Omnipotent and Omniscient – so you know how I feel, can’t you take this pain away?

Melinda – It is my plan that you have that pain. You have life lessons that you are slated to learn from it. If I turn it off, how will you learn those life lessons? Tell me how and I will turn it off for you.

Fred, you could teach me.

No.  Melinda, you must learn them on your own, that is what the Book says. There are rules, you know. I can’t go around doing everything that I want to. What would the world come to if I did?

Rules, schmules, who’s to know if a rule’s to be broken or bent a little Fred? Please release me!

Melinda, you have to love yourself first or it is all over.

What, Fred? Did you say love myself, Fred? I want to die, right here, right now. How can you say I have to love myself? For a higher power you are kind of stupid.  I am a shell in pain. There is nothing left to love. I am hollow on the inside. The world is grey.  There is nothing left to live for. Nothing left to love. How can I love myself when I feel like that, Fred?

You are beautiful both inside and out Melinda. You have to understand that. The pain makes you crazy. Make the pain, part of yourself. Like a big toe, or your pinkie finger. Learn to live with it. It will never go away. You need to understand that. Your life may have changed, but it can be a better life, nonetheless than it was before.

You have got to be kidding me Fred! I had everything, Fred. A Big House, a Big Job, Big Money, Big Bank Accounts, Big Investment Accounts, A Mercedes. This unreal! Now What Do I Have? BAD PAIN FOREVER! That’s what I have. Who would trade with me? NOBODY! That’s right, Fred! Nobody! And you want me to do what? Love myself? Make the pain part of me? Who are you kidding? You are a funny guy Fred. What am I going to do for money, Fred? What will I do with my life Fred? How will I handle this pain, if I only want to die, it is so bad? I can’t see a way through this all. I really can’t.

Melinda, you must open you heart to me. Trust me. I have a plan for you. I would never steer you wrong. As I said before. Make the pain a part of you. Look up how the old American Indian Warriors handled pain. That will help. Learn meditation. Learn QiGong. Those Chinese Masters knew a thing or two. Go on a crusade to make pain bearable. Your mind is your weapon. You have a finely honed weapon there Melinda. USE IT!  Meditate everyday for at least two hours, until you’re in control at last. Then, you can start on loving yourself. You will have to rebuild yourself from square one, because everything that was important to you before – the money, the house, the big job, the car, it really doesn’t matter any more.

What does matter Fred?

People, and Love matter Melinda. Instead of taking, it is time to give back to the world, but first you have to love yourself again, before you can love others again and the world.

Wow! Fred, that is a big job! I’m in so much pain, I cannot think clearly, much less help the world at large. You think I can do this, Fred?

Of course, you can do this Melinda. Would I have given you this pain, if it was not to refocus you from your hi-tech world of being an Executive to saving the world. The World needs people like you. You needed something dramatic to make you change. It was sad that I had to do it this way, but I had to. There was no other way. You are so stubborn. You would not have changed your perspective any other way. Use that pain as an impetus to drive your work to help others, as well as a way to sympathize and empathize with others’ pain. You won’t be able to help yourself, your heart is too big, Melinda. I made sure of that.

Fred?

Yes, Melinda.

Did the pain have to be this bad?

Yes, it did Melinda, or you would never have had the willpower to go the long haul. It will take universes full of willpower to get your pain under control. Once done, nothing will be an obstacle – everything will seem easy, compared to what you  will have already been through. Once that starting gun goes off, there is no looking back. You will help people all over the world. You’re quality of life will increase exponentially. You and I – well, needless to say will be tighter than two ticks in a rug. You will love yourself, and your heart will be open to the love of others and the universe. Who could ask for more?

Fred?

Yes, Melinda.

Can I really do this? It sounds so hard and different from what I used to do.

Yes, Melinda. You are perfect for this. That is why it is my plan for you. Remember, omnipotent and omniscient.

Sorry, sorry, just checking – should have remembered. Will you help me, if I have trouble along the way, Fred?

I am always there for you, Melinda. I have helpers who always watch over people like you, and report back. If you have a really big problem that you can’t work out by yourself – and we both know you can work out most problems by yourself, meditate on it. Put the question in your mind and in your meditation, walk up a hill and find me at the top. I will be in flowing silk robes. Sitting beneath a banyan tree in the lotus position – meditating myself.  When you reach the top, the wind will begin to blow; disturbing me from my meditations. I will see you. Bend down and I will whisper in your ear the answer to your question. Walk back down the hill. The sun will have come out. The breeze will blow the rich red poppies back and forth along the way. You will feel wonderful. Your problem is solved. As you reach the bottom of the hill, you will wake from your meditation, remembering the answer to the question that you posed before the meditation started. It should work out wonderfully.

Thanks, Fred. Shouldn’t I pray to you, so something like that?

Pray? What century do you think that we are in? We try to use our brains? Big brains mean big advances. Look at it my way, do you want a bunch of mealy-mouthed people asking you for this and that 24/7? I mean, By the Universal Me, I don’t want to be prayed to, I want Universal Understanding, Love and Peace as well as  intelligent questions.  Worship is one thing, but I am going for Universal Peace and Love, not Worship – never worship. That’s for old Gods who have Big Egos. Not me. I don’t need it. Holy this, and Blessed that. Pah! I have enough on my plate as it is, without someone, somewhere wanting to bow down and kiss my foot. EEW! What is that about anyway? Foot kissing is a fetish that is better dealt with on the internet under alt.foot.toecleavage.  Anyway, I got off on a tangent, where was I? Oh, yes. worship. If you feel you must, then go ahead, worship me, Fred, but do it quietly, so I don’t hear it. I won’t answer your prayers. I will answer intelligent questions put in any way, shape or form. So, if they happen to be in your prayers, then I will probably answer them – just not in the way you expect. Remember, I am the man with the plan. Each person on Earth and every planet with life is part of that plan. So don’t be surprised if something happens after you ask your question that is rather unlikely. A miracle? Maybe. A life change. Could be. But if you ask for money, a big house, a Mercedes or a good job – you are out of luck. You might as well talk to the dog or the wall. I said intelligent questions, remember. Thanks, Joel Osteen, for  -  bigger the better, the tighter, the sweater” approach. And to the others like you, STOP! It doesn’t work. LEAVE FRED ALONE! You clog the Universal airwaves with crap that is better played at shopping malls, self-help seminars and infomercials, not at FRED! Fred is a deity, not an investment banker. He does not get bigger houses, better jobs, more money. He brings Universal Peace and Love to the Universe. Nuff said.

What do I do now Fred?

Meditate Melinda. Our time is up. I have to go.  I have a planet to protect.

Thank you Fred, for all this. I have to internalize all that we talked about, but I think I get the gist of it. It’s time for a change. Time to help people, instead of taking. Time to love myself, instead of working all day and all night to provide for my family and of course more than provide, get them anything their little hearts could desire. It’s time to focus on love and people and the world. I first have to deal with my pain. That is the hard part. Ancient American Indian Warriors, you said. Hmmm! Well, I’m off to do research. I’m good at it. I did it for years as an Industry Analyst in Bleeding Edged Networking, so pain won’t be a problem. First I’m going to meditate and try a few things to see if I can’t make this pain a little better. Thank you Fred, for everything you said. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Melinda, you are a special one. One marked for great things. Just keep moving and everything will turn out as planned. We will talk later – I promise. Good bye for now.

Good bye Fred, and Thank you.

And in a puff of smoke Fred slowly fades away, leaving nothing in his place but a few wisps of lavender air in his place. Was he really there? Of course he was. The wisps prove that. A deity alone with a woman in pain wishing to die. It is absurd, but also very real.  A figment of her abused imagination? No. he really was there. The talk they had was real. The goals he gave her were real too. It was time to meditate. To make the pain less strong, then off to research Old American Indian ways to handle pain. The Crusade was on.